It was a dark room – light coming in from the street casting off the slightest of silhouettes. As I slowly became aware of what was happening I realized that I was experiencing a full blown gastrointestinal orgy – and everyone wanted to leave NOW. Waking up at 4:30am to a gastrointestinal emergency is a nightmare. Throw in the fact that I was sleeping in a place having never set foot in before, lights are off, the stress of having to catch a plane, and a vague recollection of where the bathroom is supposed to be – it was quite a fright.
It started with lunch at Magnolia’s Chinese restaurant in Niagara Falls, followed by home made tuna casserole (homemade hummus was the substitute cream of mushroom soup) and salad in Toronto, a few pitchers of Amsterdam Amber beer, and to top it off the Kings Crown Nachos at Sneaky Dees in Toronto with more beer. It was a day of catching up with friends and getting to know new ones. It started off innocent enough – food, followed by beer followed by more food. It took a while for the orgy to get into full swing but as I left Sneaky Dees, I knew that it was not going to be a normal night.
The worst part is the orgy is still in progress. As I write this, 18,000 feet up in the air on my way to Chicago (flight UA 541), I’ve abused the toilet and the ear drums of fellow passengers twice. Some of them look at me with shame, others take pity on me but all are grateful to not be in my shoes.
United Airlines – your toilet paper sucks. Of all of the cost cutting measures, nothing engenders the scorn of your flying passengers more than knowing that you’ve cheaped out by utilizing wafer thin sand paper that tears when you grab at it and somehow manages to shred skin when using it. Raise you prices by a few cents for each flight, we won’t mind. Ask yourself UA, who really wants to poop in a tin can thousands of feet in the air surrounded by strangers? I’ll tell you who, people who have no choice.
In all honesty, I ate way too much only because I was having a good time and it’s been a while since I had been out socializing and drinking. However I blame the refried beans in the nachos for my current predicament. Refried beans are now on my “I hate you for the rest of my life because of what you make my body do against itself” list – to be avoided at all costs. I think I’m on my way to becoming a ‘picky’ eater like my friends who claim they can’t eat gluten or lactose.
On a side note, this is my 100th post since I left for Sendai, Japan October 15, 2010. It’s weird to think that in three weeks it will have been a year since Japan was rocked by an earthquake, tsunami and nuclear disaster. My heart goes out to all of those whose lives were devastated by the tragedy and to those who are helping them to rebuild.