In the past, I’ve found ways to shirk responsibility. It all started with girls. In fact, one girl in particular in high school. There I was, standing there minding my own business when this girl walks up to me in the cafeteria and says with the utmost conviction and gumption “We have slept together.”
Stunned silence on my part. I believe my mouth was hanging open as I stared at her, looking her up and down. My first thought was – who the hell are you? Honestly, I had never laid eyes on her in high school and I knew that I didn’t go to elementary school with her. My second thought was – please god no, do not let her be pregnant!
The next words out of her mouth were, “In fact, we have shared a bed together on many occasions.” My stance changed to the defensive, peering deep into her eyes and thinking “I have no clue who you are” then glaring at the few people who had gathered around us, seeing if I could garner any clues as to her identity.
A cold sweat permeated my body. More people were looking over at our small group; pointing, whispering. I fully expected someone to wheel in a baby carriage and for her to launch into the full blown antics that I had witnessed on Jerry Springer – only this time there was no Steve to break things up. I knew I had to do it. I never imagined that at the age of 17 I would be in this situation.
“I’m terribly sorry, we may have slept together, but I seem to have forgotten your name.”
Thank you Jennifer. It turns out that we had slept together. On many different occasions. And we thoroughly enjoyed each other’s company and played with each other for hours.
As toddlers. Over 15 years ago.
Jenn had just switched over to my high school and her mom had told her to look me up. We had a few mutual friends that were in on it and from that point on I never looked at women and responsibility the same way again. I figured that I had dodged one bullet, so let’s see how many others I can dodge.
It took me another 12 years to figure out that my behaviour was hurting not only myself, but those that I cared about as well. I had created this wonderful behavioural pattern around shirking responsibility – being accountable to no one except myself (and I was not hard on myself either) and it was beginning to show to those around me. I had started the 31 Day Sprint as a way to hold myself publicly accountable for my successes and failures and it was not until today when I fell back into my old habit that I realized that something more drastic had to be done (hence this post).
I’ll admit that right now I’m struggling with the shift in focus from marketing activities to sales activities. I know that this week and next week I will overachieve on my daily numbers but it will be the weekly numbers that will hurt the most – units sold, sales volume (in terms of $$), and income (%age). I will fail miserably at achieving a sustainable level of sales activities to translate into income. I expect this failure knowing that I will use it to learn and adapt and figure out a way to turn it into a success.
I’ve been in business too long for myself without having to produce a weekly income that drastic measures have to be taken – I have no choice but to continue to break my behavioural pattern. Wednesday morning when I wake up I will do the two things that I fear most – only because these two activities will help me become successful – workout for an hour and call my clients and business associates. I’ve relied far too long on technology (email, social media, etc) and I’ve been content with the mediocre results for far too long. Now is the time to overachieve. Now is the time to get results.
Hard numbers for today – 67 (12 over daily average)
Marketing – 62
Sales – 3
FLH – 2 (0 fitness, 1 hobby, 1 life)
When I wake up, it will be a new day. I relish the opportunity for another woman to give me the opportunity to dodge more bullets – just not when it comes to those that I care about most.