You know the feeling you get when a storm is approaching – the hairs raise on the back of your neck, the wind picks up, and your gut is in turmoil. I have a feeling of restlessness – constantly moving around, itching to be out in the world, to be doing something. And the smell of a storm just before it approaches…I know this will be a big one.
I’ve been asking a lot of questions of myself lately. Creative questions that start with “what if…” and soul crushing questions that start with “why”. I find myself at a crossroad and gaze at two choices – to hold back or go for it all.
There are pros and cons to each. If I hold back and play it safe, then I am guaranteed some modicum of success. I will not be sticking my neck out for anyone else and I will not have to change. If I go for it all, I am risking everything that I have left of myself. I, as I stand right now, will cease to exist and I do not know what will become of me. I will be standing in front of a great abyss – peering into the darkness – looking for a faint beacon of light.
I know what I must do as the past two days have dealt me a double blow – one being the passing of a great man and friend. In both situations I know that I have no control over them at all yet they both affected me greatly. It is because of this that I know what I must do.
On a much lighter note, the feedback that I got back on the post titled “Hunting” left a lot of people confused. I merely sat on a stool at a counter (in Starbucks) that faced the escalator in one of the major department stores, placed my blackberry up against the windowpane, and hit record (I was working on my laptop at the time). I was aiming to demonstrate the fall fashion in northern Japan (way too much plaid) and the high number of pigeon toe women. I was hunting for the piegon toe woman and elusive Victorian style dressage that pops up from time to time (yes the poofy dresses with corsets and crinoline, topped with a bonnet). I hope this clears things up.
It is what we do intensely in private that we get complimented on in public. – TR